Selfish and narcissitic being

by mirunaandra

In the class I was talking to you about in an older posts, we were asked to write an essay about the reasons why ‘I’ am selfish and narcissistic and how these make me less smarter than I think I am. Hmm..tough one, I’d say.

Personally, I have always looked at myself from both the positive and negative sides. And every time I look in the mirror I try to go far behind the physical features; I want to see a reflection of my inner self – who am I? where am I heading? what can I do to be a better-self? I was raised with moral principles of the utmost value and God was always part of my upbringing. My parents and my grandparents always tried to make the best out of me – you should not be selfish, you should be tolerant and considerate to others, you should not lie, you should be polite and respectful to the elderly, and all the like. I am grateful for the education I was given back home, what we generically call in Romania ‘the 7-years education’. But as I grew older, I realised I cannot be perfect – I make mistakes and oh well, I know for sure that I can be a selfish and narcissistic person. (at the end of the day, I think we all are selfish and narcissistic to a certain extent)’

It’s not like I wouldn’t share my favorite food and drinks with my family and friends – I’d do that for sure!, but I think it’s more how I want things to happen in my life . I am not the ‘i would step on dead bodies’-in-order-to-reach-my-goals kind of person, but I like to get what I want and oh man, when I don’t get what I want, it’s a whole drama. Sometimes, I just want to guide myself by the principle of ‘don’t think about what other are doing, just think about yourself and how can you be happy’. During the years, I realised that this principle is quite good actually. At the end of the day, I know I only have myself and this myself is the only one capable of really taking care of me and getting me where I want to get. Does this make me a bad person? Am I not as smart or good as I think I am?

Probably I am not. Probably I am am too self-centered sometimes and I want the best for me. Maybe I want to get all the attention I need. Maybe I want people to look up to me and admire me for who I am. Maybe I need to change the way I think about myself. Maybe I can be smarter and plain better one day. I need to see the world, I need to be less judgmental, and I need to have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. I need to learn more from other and their stories. I need to be more open-minded, I need to stop over-thinking. I need to be more considerate and I need to reorganize my ambitions and prioritize them.

Yes, one day…I will be less selfish. One day, I will be smarter.